Pop quiz! If you’ve ever heard that the best love is self love, raise your hand.
Now keep your hand raised if you’re still figuring out what exactly that means. Hand still up? You’re not alone.
According to Miriam Webster, self love is a “regard for one’s own well being and happiness.” And in recent years, the phrase has become wildly popular. You’ve seen it scrawled in Instagram captions, body lotion ads, and all over your TikTok feeds. You know you need to have it. You know you need to practice it. But many of us aren’t sure how.
It’s easier said than done. Depending on who you are, your unique walk of life may make it challenging to remember that you’re special and deserving of your own time and space. And that’s where we get to step in.
Here are five ways to start loving on yourself today—there’s no better time for it.
1. Say no.
Research shows that people-pleasing, or "devaluing one’s own ideas [and priorities] to uphold others,” is more common in women than men.1 Anyone surprised? We’re not. Culturally, women are often socialized and expected to abandon their needs for others—and you might’ve picked up this habit without even realizing it.
If you’re stretching yourself too thin, saying yes to lousy commitments to avoid rocking the boat, and trying to make everything easier for everyone else at your own expense, it’s time to stop. Let’s practice self-love by setting some simple boundaries.
Your assignment: pick three small things you’re not looking forward to this week, and get ready to say no to them. Seriously! Is there a party you’d rather not spend the whole night at? A rude joke you’d rather not pretend to laugh at this time? A favor you’d rather not do? Say no, and enjoy how it feels in your body to respect your own wishes.
2. Say yes.
We promise we’re not giving mixed signals! Maybe you’re a boundary-setting whiz who already knows how to carve out time for themselves and prioritize their comfort—we love that. But when’s the last time you tried something new?
Is there a dance class you’ve been wanting to take? A workshop you’re avoiding because you’re scared to be bad at it? A trip that’s been on your wishlist for a while, but keeps getting put off? As long as it’s safe (we repeat: safe) and doesn’t cause anyone else harm, consider what it might be like to say yes to something you haven’t tried before.
Your assignment: say yes to one new thing today. Taking yourself on adventures, broadening your horizons, and surprising yourself is a huge part of self-love. Show yourself what cool things you can do—you just might be impressed.
3. Practice seeing yourself.
We’re so busy living our lives that we often don’t take a second to actually think about ourselves. But in order to love someone, you’ve got to truly see them. Especially if that someone is you.
When’s the last time you took a moment to consider your talents, your strengths, your likes and dislikes, what you’ve been through and where you are now? If you had to tell somebody about yourself, could you paint a vivid picture? If your answer is not often or no, a stop on your self-love journey could be giving yourself some much needed attention.
Your assignment: look in the mirror, physical or metaphorical, and notice what you enjoy. Speak it out loud, if you can. If that’s a little much for you, journal about it and save the page to read later.
4. Get in some quality time with loved ones.
bell hooks famously wrote that self love cannot flourish in isolation, and we couldn’t agree more.
Far too many times, people interpret self-love as falling totally off the grid. But spending quality time with those who love you and make you feel good, being in community and sharing space, putting yourself out there and making new friends—that’s all a key part of prioritizing you and your happiness. So pause on digging the bunker!
Your assignment: Pick a friend that sees you the way you most want to be seen, and give them a call. Better yet, meet them for lunch, if you can! Sharing your light (and getting some back in return) is a key ingredient in our self-love recipe.
5. Schedule a date (with yourself).
Before you roll your eyes, this is not the typical “date yourself” speech. Quality time with you is an essential part of any self-love journey, but we’ve got an actual thing you can put on your calendar. Not just a platitude! Intrigued?
Your assignment: Schedule a fifteen-minute self love date every single day this week (and hopefully beyond). The activity can vary and doesn’t have to be fancy. It doesn't matter if it’s taking a small step to build your sexual confidence, meditating in the mirror, actually pausing to take a probiotic supplement or vitamin for your own needs, or enjoying an extra-hot shower—this is uninterrupted, scheduled you time. No exceptions.
Self-love can seem like a broad, daunting goal—but like most journeys, it gets a whole lot easier after you take your first step. Trust yourself and start with these five!
