Do you have a loved one struggling with anxiety? You’re definitely not alone.
Over 350 million people around the globe suffer from anxiety or anxiety-related disorders, according to the World Health Organization.1 And while we hear the term ‘anxiety’ almost daily, the reality is that anxiety disorders can be extremely debilitating and shift day-to-day life significantly for those who are struggling with it.
Clinical support and medication are highly effective methods of intervention. And, those with anxiety are also in need of support from their family, friends, and social network. If you’re a loved one looking to help, we’ve got your back.
What is anxiety?
First thing’s first: anxiety is a feeling of fear, tension, or apprehension. It’s possible for anyone to experience anxiety in response to everyday stressors! Getting a little nervous when driving on the freeway is par for the course—but when we talk about people with anxiety, or people struggling with anxiety, we mean those with anxiety disorders.
According to Mayo Clinic, anxiety disorders are marked by “frequently intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations.”2 There’s a wide spectrum of disorders, ranging from agoraphobia (fear and avoidance of particular environments) to social anxiety.
What are the symptoms?
Typical symptoms of anxiety disorders include:
- uncontrollable and/or obsessive thoughts;
- heart palpitations;
- shortness of breath;
- nausea;
- gastrointestinal issues, and more.3
Surprised to see nausea and gastrointestinal issues on the list? Don’t be! Persistent anxiety often manifests physically, especially in the gut.
What is an anxiety attack?
People who struggle with anxiety disorders may experience frequent episodes where that anxiety peaks in intensity. These episodes are known as either anxiety or panic attacks—and it’s important to remember the difference.
Panic attacks come on suddenly and don’t necessarily need an external trigger. Folks who experience them can feel a range of physical and psychological symptoms, including a “sense of impending doom,” shortness of breath, and total disconnection from reality.4 Most panic attacks can last anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes.
Though “anxiety attack” isn’t a clinically recognized term, it often describes periods of severe anxiety that can last anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks. Symptoms can be physical and psychological in nature. So if your partner’s been experiencing a month-long stomachache? It could be a sign that their anxiety’s peaking.5
What’s most important to remember is that these episodes don’t look the same on everyone. Each person can experience different symptoms and manifestations of these episodes. Just because someone isn’t clutching their chest or gasping for air doesn’t mean they’re not struggling—so take note of the unique ways anxiety might manifest in your loved one.
How do I offer support?
When supporting someone you love through their struggle with anxiety, it can be hard to know where to start…and that’s what we’re here for. Here are some tips:
Remember that you’re not a professional. Chances are, you’re not a mental health care professional. And even if you are, your loved one isn’t your client or patient. So, free yourself from the burden of needing to say “the perfect thing,” rescue them from their anxiety, or fix the problem. Your role, should you choose to take it on, is as a supportive friend, partner, neighbor, or coworker. That’s it!
Ask what they need. When your loved one is not currently experiencing an episode or period of intense anxiety, ask them what might be helpful in the future. Would they want you to just listen to them vent? Would they want to sit in silence? Are they open to moving through breathing techniques? Would a gentle touch be okay during that time?
If they don’t have an answer for you, don’t fret. When in doubt during panic attacks or episodes, move them to a quiet place, speak calmly and in short, simple sentences, and stay with them unless they ask you to leave.
Change the narrative when you can. Anxiety can often be driven by cognitive distortions, or patterns of thinking that reinforce negative beliefs. These thoughts can look like:
- “Everyone hates me.”
- “I said the wrong thing and now it’s over.”
- “This is the end. This is the worst thing that could happen.”
Catastrophizing (leaping to the worst possible outcome), black-and-white thinking (seeing everything as an all or nothing, zero sum game), and mind-reading (assuming one knows what someone or everyone is thinking) are all common cognitive distortions.
If you start to recognize these patterns in your loved one’s speech and aren’t sure how to respond, consider offering a redirect. That may look like:
- “I’m here for you. What do you think would be most helpful right now?”
- “People make mistakes all the time. Be gentle with yourself.”
- “I know this feels scary, but it’s not dangerous. You’re going to get through this.”
- “I’m right here with you. I won’t leave your side unless you want me to.”
Take care of yourself. One more time for the seats in the back: you are not a mental health care professional. It’s not your responsibility to “cure” or “fix” the people you care for, and you need to prioritize your mental health, as well. Offering this kind of support can also be especially difficult if you also struggle with anxiety.
It’s appropriate to step back, pass the baton to someone else in your loved one’s network, or take a few moments. Our tip? Schedule a self-care ritual at the beginning of each day, and don’t skip it. This can be as simple as a stretch, adding an endocrine-supporting superfood powder to your morning shake, or meditating.*
