Why Women Struggle with Perfectionism and Imposter Syndrome

“Imposter syndrome” and “perfectionism” are two phrases thrown around a lot these days, sort of like “narcissist,” or “literally.” We’re starting to forget that these phrases have actual, specific meanings, and that what they describe affects many people daily. 

Especially women. 

Studies show that people who identify as women tend to be more perfectionistic than those who identify as men, and women tend to feel less able to meet these impossibly high standards than men.¹

This can create a vicious cycle for women of perfectionism—having impossibly high standards (and imposter syndrome) when we feel we can’t adequately meet up with these standards and we feel fraudulent.

It can get a bit messy and disheartening to say the least. Fortunately, there are ways out of the trappings of perfectionism and imposter syndrome. But first, we have to better understand what these things are and how they work. 

 

What is Perfectionism?

Let’s be clear here: Perfectionism is not a diagnosable disorder. Perfectionism is a personality trait that causes people to have extremely high standards for themselves. Perfectionists tend to be very aware of their appearance or performance. 

This differs from “Perfectionism Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder,” also known as “Maladaptive” or “unhealthy perfectionism,” which is considered a mental health disorder. This is characterized by obsessive thoughts about needing to perform actions perfectly, and it interferes with a person’s daily life.²

 

What is Imposter Syndrome? 

Basically, imposter syndrome is when someone consistently feels like a fraud, despite plenty of evidence of their success. People with imposter syndrome often report feeling like they’ll be “found out” as a fake.³

This term was first coined by researchers Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Ament Imes in the late 70s. These two looked at the experiences of 150 women who had earned PhDs, were respected professionals in their fields, and had been recognized for their excellence—but who continued to feel fraudulent and undeserving of these accolades. 

In the study, Clance and Imes attributed this disconnect between reality and how these women felt to culture’s message that women did not belong in such “lofty positions.” Granted, this was back in the late 70s and things have changed culturally since then—but still, people of all genders are affected by imposter syndrome today.³

 

Types of Imposter Syndrome 

Experts tend to break imposter syndrome down into five subtypes⁴: 

1. The Perfectionist: These people believe that competence is defined by absolute perfection and that anything less is a failure. 
2. The Natural Genius: The Natural Genius type will measure her competence by how easily an achievement or success comes to her. This type believes she really shouldn’t have to work hard. 
3. Superman/Superwoman: Competence to the Superperson is the ability to juggle multiple things—and falling short in any area is a failure overall. 
4. The Expert: This type measures competence based on how much they know. Their ultimate fear? Being exposed as inexperienced or lacking knowledge.
5. The Soloist: The Soloist feels competent by achieving success on her own, and on her own only. Asking for help is a big no, no.

 

What Fuels These Feelings in Women in Particular?

Perfectionism and imposter syndrome affect people of all genders, but these things impact women in some particular ways. Historically, women have been socialized from a young age to downplay their accomplishments which might make internalizing that they do belong more difficult. Women (and trans people) are also still underrepresented in certain fields and are more likely to experience gender discrimination or micro-aggressions, which can lead to feelings of self-doubt. This is also true for any minority group. 

As far as perfectionism goes, there has been an imbalanced focus on women’s appearance and body image for centuries. This has been reinforced by movies, T.V., magazines, and now perhaps the worst culprit yet—social media. Social media not only enforces impossibly “perfect” beauty standards, but it tells women they must be perfect in other areas of their lives as well. 

Yes, men deal with this, too. But it seems to hit different for women and trans folks because we live in a culture that reinforces systematic gender biases and stereotypes, where anyone who’s not a cis man may feel like they have to prove themselves. 

So, what do we do?

 

Overcoming Perfectionism

In a 2019 Harvard Business Review article, Alice Boyes, a former clinical psychologist and Matt Plummer, founder of an online coaching service, outline some concrete ways to overcome perfectionism.⁵ 

• See the big picture: “Ask yourself: Am I using my time wisely? Am I being productive?” Plummer says in the article. He goes on to advise that you zoom out. “You could spend an extra three hours making a presentation perfect, but does that improve the impact for the client or your organization?”⁵
• Adjust your standards: This might sound scary for a perfectionist, but lowering your standards even just a little can help take some of the pressure off.⁵
• Create a checklist: The search for perfection may feel like it has no end; there’s always going to be a “better.” So creating a checklist might help perfectionists limit this endless-feeling search. Once you’ve checked everything off your checklist– that’s it. You’re done.⁵ 
• Break the rumination cycle: According to Boyes, many perfectionists have a tendency to repeatedly mull over a thought or problem without coming to a real resolution. “It’s related to anxiety,” says Boyes in the article. To break this cycle, she suggests identifying your triggers—what causes you to ruminate in the first place?; questioning your first reaction—perfectionists tend to focus on the bad things rather than the good; seeking a distraction—doing something different may be enough to break the rumination cycle; and thinking positively—“Remind yourself of the success you’ve had,” Boyes says.⁵
• Talk to someone: Boyes and Plummer advise people who struggle with perfectionism to be open about it—either with their coworkers, partner, friends, family, or a therapist. “Say, ‘I give you permission to let me know if I’m being too fussy/high maintenance/finicky’” about a given topic, says Boyes.⁵ 

 

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome 

Mental health experts at Mass General Brigham Hospital have some sage advice when it comes to breaking free from imposter syndrome: 

• Open up: Secrecy and shame can fuel imposter syndrome. If you’re feeling like a fraud in some aspect of your life, you might try opening up about this to a friend, family member, or therapist. Just talking about it might be enough to alleviate some of the shame.³
• Accept positive feedback: A lot of us are awkward when it comes to compliments, but people with imposter syndrome might flat out reject them. Instead, if somebody compliments you or gives you praise, try simply saying “thank you.” The compliment might not actually land at first, but over time just saying “thank you” might help you let it in.³
• Keep a journal: Write down a daily record of the compliments you receive and achievements you make. These might be tiny things or big ones; just practice noting your accomplishments in whatever realm you’re feeling fraudulent. Then you can reflect on this “evidence” at the end of each week.³
• Use positive self-talk: If your thoughts tend to be negative, it might take some time and effort to train your brain into more positive self-talk, but it can be done. One way to do this is to consciously start thinking of “failures” as “learning opportunities” and to look for the lesson in these moments.³
• Get out of your comfort zone: People with imposter syndrome might feel stuck in a position or afraid to reach higher. After all, if you’re already uncertain that you deserve to be where you are, why would you deserve more? Mental health experts advise shaking things up and doing things that feel a little out of your comfort zone, especially for those with imposter syndrome.³ 

We know that perfectionism and imposter syndrome can impact all of us to varying degrees throughout our lives, no matter our gender. But because of the perfect storm of societal expectations, beauty standards, gender roles, and systematic gender biases in the workplace and at home, people who identify as women tend to get hit especially hard with these two. 

If you’re finding it hard to navigate perfectionism or imposter syndrome in some aspect of your life, please consider talking to somebody—friend, family, or a professional—about your struggles. 

A note on sex and gender: Sex and gender exists on spectrums, and this article uses terms like “male” or “female” to refer to sex assigned at birth. Learn more.