The choreography of sex varies from household to household, preference to preference. Some couples incorporate roleplay and toys, while others prefer to keep it slow and sensual. One staple that seems to find itself the star of every performance is a tried and true legend: oral pleasure.
While glorified in the mainstream, many women find themselves bored while receiving head, counting the minutes until it’s done or even faking their way out of it. There’s so much emphasis on how to give oral pleasure, yet there isn’t a lot of discussion around how to receive it.
Many don’t realize that receiving oral pleasure—and reaching physical orgasm—depends largely on your mental state. If you feel to any degree insecure, whether with your partner or with your own body, it can be difficult to completely surrender to the sensations and allow your body to climax. It’s important that you nurture your mind/body connection, relinquishing any resistance internally so you can be at full ease externally.
Let’s dive deeper into how to get more comfortable, confident, and whatever else it takes to enjoy getting head.
Why I’m Not Enjoying Oral Sex
It’s crucial to immediately note that there’s nothing wrong with you. Your friends may boast about how good it is to receive oral pleasure from their partners, but you may simply have other preferred methods of stimulation. While orgasm through penetration is more rare in people with vaginas (between 70% to 90% of women are unable to achieve orgasm with penetration alone) it could simply be what suits your body better.
If it’s not what you’re into, you’re not missing out! Some find nipple stimulation monotonous, while others can fully cum from the act alone. Your body is yours and your relationship to pleasure is unique and individual, so don’t feel pressured to mirror anyone else’s perceived truth.
However, there’s a distinction between not preferring oral pleasure and not letting yourself enjoy it (or finding your partner’s technique uninspiring)—the latter takes some time to interrogate and nullify. We can find the situation too awkward to confront, preferring to pull them up for a kiss rather than letting them stay down there and figure it out. This can lead to a lifetime of unlocked sexual potential, especially if you’re returning the favor without getting to enjoy it for yourself.
How To Make Oral Sex More Enjoyable
If you think there’s deeper potential for you to enjoy oral sex, let’s embark on a mission to get you there. Some things to try:
Hygiene
A lot of women have internalized insecurity around the appearance or smell of their vagina, and vaginal probiotics can do wonders for feeling fresh. While a vagina isn’t supposed to taste like strawberries and roses (a penis certainly doesn’t!), vaginal odor can be a result of yeast overgrowth or pH imbalance. Taking vaginal probiotics can aid in maintaining a healthy vaginal flora and eliminating any discomfort in your hygiene.
Communication
We’ve said it before, and we’ll keep saying it: speak up! While you may find it uncomfortable to have a conversation around how to eat you out right, it’s better to trudge through an awkward conversation rather than a lifetime of lackluster head. First and foremost, let your partner know exactly where your clit is, how you like it stimulated, and in which ways they may need to spend a little more time freestyling down there.
Experiment
There isn’t one formulaic way to receive head! Experiment with a few different techniques, from new methods of positioning (like the beloved face-sitting) to penetrating with fingers or toys in the process. Your bedroom should be your playground, and as long as you’re comfortable, there’s no harm in getting creative.
Get intimate with yourself
In order to guide your partner, it’d certainly be helpful to have a deeper sense of intimacy with yourself. Do you like clitorial stimulation to be rough and fast, or slow and light?
Let it take time
Being too in your head can result from feeling like you need to climax sooner than later, disconnecting you from the sensations in your vagina. Let your arrival take however long it needs to; a marathon, not a sprint. Curate the ambiance to promote relaxation, with music, lighting and whatever else helps get you in the mood.
Oral Sex Tips
If you’ve stumbled upon this guide because you’re partnered with someone who hasn’t fully enjoyed oral, or you simply want to be better at your job, here are some well-researched tips on how to perform enjoyable oral sex. This may get a little graphic, but you’ll thank us later.Try these Techniques:
- With your tongue flat, lap long strokes over their underwear until you get the fabric wet.
- When they’re ready, venture underneath their fabric and spend a little time licking the mound above the clit. Show the inner thighs some love, too.
- Lay your tongue flat at the bottom of their vulva and lick your way up. Repeat.
- Flex your tongue and use the tip to lick tiny circles over the clitoral hood (the flap of skin over the clit).
- Use your fingers to gently pull the hood upward so you can focus the tip of your flexed tongue on the clit. Start with light pressure and speed and gradually ramp things up.
- When you get into a groove that they love, keep at it to take them over the edge.
Get in Position:
The Lie Back: Have them lie on their back with a pillow under their butt and legs apart while you lie or kneel in between with your face in the muff of it all.
The Stand Up: Have them stand with their legs slightly apart, pushing their pelvis out. It might be easier for them to lean up against a wall or hold a table for balance. This is also a great position for the shower.
The Control Freak: Lie on your back and have them straddle your face while facing you so they control the moves and pressure—and watch you work for it.
The Almost 69: They get to straddle your face again, only this time they’re facing your main attraction and can return the favor by way of some 69 action.
