Motherhood is one of the most transformative journeys a person can experience. Still, even with countless books, blog posts, and advice from well-meaning family members, some surprising things about childbirth, pregnancy, and conception seem to catch women off guard. These are the moments that make you think, Why didn’t anyone tell me this?!
In this article, we’ll explore the surprising realities of these natural processes—those unspoken truths that might not make it into a prenatal class or the pages of What to Expect When You’re Expecting.
Conception Isn’t Always Simple
We may have grown up learning or seeing media portray that pregnancy happens almost instantly after unprotected sex. While this can sometimes be the case, the reality is often much more complex.
The Fertility Window is Short
You’re most likely to conceive in a narrow 5–6 day window during your cycle, with the day of ovulation being the most fertile. Sperm can live in a woman’s body for 5-6 days, but an egg only lives for around 24 hours once it’s released.1 Tracking ovulation through methods like basal body temperature or ovulation predictor kits can help, but it’s not foolproof. Timing intercourse with ovulation is crucial, and knowing this can save you from unnecessary worry.
It Can Take Time
One observational study tracked conception in over 45,000 women. It showed the average time to conceive was about 3.94 months, and that women with irregular cycles took slightly longer to conceive.2 Even for healthy couples under 35, it can take some time to conceive. If you’ve been trying for six months or longer, speaking with a healthcare provider is a good idea.
The First Trimester is a Rollercoaster
We’ve all heard about morning sickness, but few people talk about how all-consuming the first trimester can be.
Exhaustion Hits Hard
Imagine feeling as though you’ve run a marathon, every single day. That’s the kind of fatigue many women experience as their bodies work overtime to grow a placenta and regulate pregnancy hormones.
Morning Sickness is Misleading
It’s not just for mornings. Nausea can strike at any time of day (or night), and for some women, it never lets up. Morning sickness affects 70% of women and typically lasts from weeks 6 to 20 of pregnancy. Less than 10% of women experience hyperemesis gravidarum, which means having nausea and vomiting throughout the entirety of pregnancy.3
Your Emotions Might Surprise You
Pregnancy hormones can highly affect your mental health. Many women face mental health challenges like depression and anxiety during pregnancy or postpartum, especially those with a history of mental illness or high stress. While previously overlooked, mental health is now recognized as vital throughout pregnancy and postpartum. Education, therapy, medication, exercise, and support can improve outcomes for both mother and baby.4
Pregnancy Doesn’t Always Glow
While some women experience that coveted pregnancy glow, others find their bodies reacting in unexpected ways:
- Hairy Surprises: Increased hormones can cause hair to grow in unwanted places, like your face, stomach, or back. The same hormones can make your scalp hair thicker—or cause it to fall out.
- Skin Issues: Some women develop pregnancy acne, melasma (dark patches on the face), or an itchy rash called PUPPP (pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy).5
- Digestive Troubles: Constipation, bloating, and acid reflux often make pregnancy far from comfortable. No one likes to talk about it, but hemorrhoids and varicose veins can also develop due to the increased blood volume and pressure in your veins.
Birth Plans Are Suggestions, Not Guarantees
Creating a birth plan can be empowering, but flexibility is key. Here’s what women often don’t expect:
Labor Might Not Start on Its Own
Many women envision their water breaking dramatically, but in reality, only about 15% of labors begin this way.6 Many others require induction, especially if they go past 40 weeks.
Epidurals Aren’t Instant
If you plan on an epidural, know that it’s not immediate. It takes time for the anesthesiologist to arrive, place it, and for it to take effect. According to Yale Medicine, epidurals take around 10 minutes to put in and around 15 minutes for the medicine to take effect.7
C-sections Are a Major Surgery
C-sections are another topic that often feels under-discussed. Nearly one-third of U.S. births are cesarean, yet many women are surprised by the recovery.8 There are daily challenges of coughing, laughing, or sneezing with a healing incision.
Postpartum Realities Are Eye-Opening
The postpartum period, often called the “fourth trimester,” is its own chapter of motherhood with plenty of unexpected surprises:
- Bleeding Lasts for Weeks: Postpartum bleeding (lochia) can last up to six weeks, whether you had a vaginal birth or a C-section. It’s very similar to menstrual blood, and it starts heavy and gradually tapers off.
- Breastfeeding Isn’t Always Easy: While breastfeeding is natural, it doesn’t always come naturally. Challenges like latch issues, low milk supply, or mastitis (a painful breast infection) can make those first weeks especially tough.
- Pelvic Floor Changes: Things like urinary incontinence, pain during sex, or a feeling of heaviness can all stem from weakened pelvic floor muscles. Pelvic floor physical therapy can help, but few women know it’s an option.
- Women Deserve More Information: One common thread throughout conception, pregnancy, and childbirth is that women often feel unprepared for the unexpected. A major reason? Many of these topics are under-discussed, even in popular pregnancy resources.
What Can Help?
Start by seeking knowledge from trusted healthcare providers, childbirth educators, or even support groups of other moms. The more you know, the more confident you’ll feel navigating these experiences.
Childbirth, pregnancy, and conception are deeply personal journeys filled with surprises. While books and classes provide helpful roadmaps, real-life experiences rarely follow a straight path.
Every woman’s experience is unique. Whether you’re trying to conceive or recover from childbirth, give yourself grace and know you’re not alone. Sharing these “no one told me” moments is how we build a supportive community—and ensure future moms feel more informed, empowered, and prepared.
