Let’s Talk About Sex (And Why It Shouldn’t Hurt)

Pain during sex—also known as dyspareunia—can be uncomfortable, confusing, and even distressing. But if you've ever experienced pain during intimacy, you're far from alone. Studies suggest that up to 3 out of 4 women will experience pain during sex at some point in their lives.¹

Despite how common this issue is, many women feel isolated or unsure of how to bring it up with their partner—or even their doctor.

If you're experiencing pain during sex, know that your discomfort is valid, you're not imagining it, and you deserve to feel good in your body. Let’s break down what pain during sex can feel like, potential causes, how it might affect intimacy, and when to seek help.

What Does Pain During Sex Feel Like?

Pain during sex isn't a one-size-fits-all experience. The type, location, and intensity of pain can vary widely from person to person. Here’s how pain during sex can show up²:

• Burning or Stinging Sensation: This might feel like irritation at the vaginal opening or deeper inside.
• Sharp or Stabbing Pain: This type of pain can occur during penetration or certain movements.
• Aching or Throbbing Pain: Pain that lingers after intercourse.
• Deep Pelvic Pain: A deep pressure or cramping sensation that happens during or after sex, often felt in the lower abdomen.
• Tightness or Tension: Difficulty with penetration due to involuntary muscle tightening (a condition called vaginismus).

Understanding how your pain feels can help you and your healthcare provider figure out what might be causing it.

How Common Is Pain During Sex?

While occasional discomfort during sex can happen to anyone, persistent pain is more common than many women realize. Research suggests that up to 20% of women regularly experience pain during sex.³ However, this number could be even higher due to underreporting—many women feel too embarrassed to bring it up or assume it’s just something they have to live with.

Potential Causes of Pain During Sex

There are many reasons why sex might be painful, and they can vary depending on your age, health history, and life stage. Some common causes include³:

 

In Younger Women

• Vaginal Dryness: This can happen from birth control pills, breastfeeding, or anxiety.
• Pelvic Floor Dysfunction: Tight or weak pelvic floor muscles can cause pain during penetration.
• Vaginal Infections: Yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, or UTIs can cause burning or irritation.
• Endometriosis: A chronic condition where tissue similar to the uterine lining grows outside the uterus, causing deep pelvic pain.
• Vaginismus: An involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles that makes penetration painful or impossible.

In Menopausal Women

• Vaginal Atrophy: Thinning and dryness of the vaginal walls due to declining estrogen levels.
• Pelvic Organ Prolapse: A condition where pelvic organs shift out of place, causing discomfort during sex.
• Reduced Blood Flow to the Pelvic Area: Can decrease sensitivity and lubrication.

 

How Pain During Sex Can Affect Intimacy

Pain during sex doesn't just affect your physical comfort—it can have a ripple effect on your emotional and mental well-being. Many women experience feelings of frustration, guilt, or shame when intimacy becomes painful. It can also strain relationships if you're avoiding sex or feel unable to communicate what you're going through.

If you're struggling to voice your concerns with your partner, try opening the conversation with honesty and vulnerability. Let them know that your pain isn't a reflection of how you feel about them, and that you're seeking help to find solutions together. A supportive partner will want to understand what you're going through and help you feel safe and cared for.

 

When to See a Doctor

If pain during sex happens more than once or is affecting your quality of life, it's time to talk to a healthcare provider. Even if the pain feels minor or you're not sure if it's worth bringing up, you deserve to have your concerns heard.

During your appointment, your provider will likely ask about your symptoms, medical history, and sexual health. They may also perform a pelvic exam or recommend additional testing to get to the root of what's causing your pain.

 

Treatment Options

The good news is that there are many effective treatments for pain during sex, depending on the cause.³ Some options your doctor might recommend include:

• Lubricants and Vaginal Moisturizers: To combat dryness.
• Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy: To address muscle tension or weakness.
• Hormonal Treatments: Estrogen creams or hormone therapy for menopausal vaginal atrophy.
• Medications: To treat infections or chronic pain conditions like endometriosis.
• Counseling or Sex Therapy: To address fear, anxiety, or trauma associated with intimacy.

You Deserve to Feel Good

Sex should never be painful—period. If you're experiencing pain during sex, know that you're not alone, and help is available. Talking to a healthcare provider about your symptoms might feel vulnerable, but advocating for your body is one of the most powerful things you can do.

Your pleasure and comfort matter. Whether you're navigating this experience alone or with a partner, healing is possible—and you deserve to feel safe, supported, and empowered every step of the way.

A note on sex and gender: Sex and gender exists on spectrums, and this article uses terms like “male” or “female” to refer to sex assigned at birth. Learn more.