Despite how normal & common sex is, there is still some stigma attached to talking about it. While you certainly don't need to express your preferences for or against foreplay with your friends, one person should know about it—your partner. A fulfilling sex life means openly discussing what you like in bed with your partner, and even trying new things when you're bored.
The following pointers will help you better understand how to have an open and respectful conversation with your partner about your sexual preferences—because life is short, and we all deserve sexual satisfaction.
Ask for what you want
Ladies, we especially need to get better at this. Societal norms are constantly teaching us to make our needs second to everyone else’s, and even in the healthiest relationships, we have some unlearning to do. The right partner will want to hear your preferences, so they can be better at satisfying your needs.
You might also hesitate to voice your needs due to the fear of judgment or rejection from your partner. In some cultures, sex is seen as a taboo topic, and women are often expected to be passive in the bedroom. Women might also feel embarrassed or ashamed about their desires because they have been taught to suppress them for so long. I truly think it is time to break free of archaic norms, because suppressing feelings never ends well for anyone.
The major trap we should all avoid falling into is the one where we assume our partner can read our mind. If nothing else, we must remember that communication is crucial for a healthy sexual relationship, and it can lead to a more fulfilling experience for both partners.
Asking for what you want can feel extremely empowering, and you also give your partner a chance to know you on a deeper level. Ask yourself, would you rather fake what you like to your partner or would you rather have a slightly difficult conversation that could lead to a stronger connection?
Best 4 tips for getting what you want in bed
Start with self-reflection
If you haven’t practiced this already, self-reflection can help you understand your own preferences, boundaries, and desires. It is imperative to identify your triggers, inhibitions, and turn-offs so that you can communicate them effectively to your partner. No need to stress over this step, just take some time to yourself and lightly map out the right language—this will make communication easier and much more effective between you and your partner.
When the time comes to discuss your findings, it’s important to remember communication isn't just words; it’s also the body language and tone of voice that accompanies those words.
Think about timing and location
Timing, location, and mental state are important when having meaningful conversations with your partner. Make sure both of you are in a good state of mind, and both have the time and privacy to have a lengthy conversation without interruptions.
Practice active listening
When talking about intimacy, your approach is your greatest ally. Talk about what you like in bed, not what your partner is lacking or not giving you. To avoid placing blame, try using "I" statements instead of "you" statements.
Make it a two-way conversation. Give your partner space to share their feelings without interrupting or judging—being an active listener can validate your partner’s feelings and help create a healthy dialogue. You'll find that the journey becomes more enjoyable when you embark on it together, armed with a shared desire to please and be pleased.
Consider a compromise
Sexual preferences may differ between partners, but being able to communicate safely and confidently about what you want can lead to a more fulfilling sexual relationship. If you have to ease in or meet halfway here and there, do that! Sharing your deepest desires, exploring new things together, and communicating what feels good leads to deeper intimacy, a stronger emotional connection, and a more satisfying sexual relationship.
Talking about sex is rarely ever just about sex—it's about communication, intimacy, and a desire to deepen a relationship. Getting caught up in the physical aspect of things is easy, but making your partner feel comfortable and respected will allow them to share their desires freely, and vice versa.