During the holiday season, the Internet is abuzz with a certain gift-buying fervor and as the days tick by, there is a palpable desperation to find the “perfect gift” for the woman in your life. Browser histories are filled with phrases like “gifts for women who have everything,” “unique gifts for women,” “romantic gift ideas for your girlfriend.” It’s pretty clear that some of you out there have women in your life you would like to shower with gifts—but you have no idea where to begin. (You know who you are.)
Let’s just say that your average search for “gifts for women,” may not exactly lead you in the right direction, as these lists are generally pretty gender stereotypical and not universally loved: A quick search shows us everything from makeup and facemasks to cookbooks and appliances.
We’re not saying there’s anything wrong with these things; it’s just that gifting your sweetie a blender or vacuum if she hasn’t asked for it may send the wrong message. (The classic blender scene from Father of the Bride, anyone?)1
Of course there are many other ways to fail at gift-giving, and to find the very best (ways to fail) we’ve turned to Reddit for some anti-inspiration.
While we do appreciate the effort that comes along with even the smallest gift, this article exists to help you up your game when it comes to showing women you really care through gift-giving. It’s not the size or the cost of the gift that matters, but the effort. With that in mind, here are 13 things you should absolutely not get the woman in your life.
Certain Gift Cards
“[My ex gave me] a gift card to the restaurant I worked at. Really!? Like I wouldn't want to eat somewhere else? Some place I didn't talk about how dirty the kitchen was? He was dumped shortly afterwards. (Hope you enjoyed your 42" flatscreen parting gift.)”
We know most of you would think twice before gifting your girlfriend a gift card to the restaurant where she already works. But let’s just say, gift cards are a tricky gift in the first place. They don’t show a whole lot of creativity or effort–however, if she has asked for a gift card to a specific place, we say, go for it.
The Gift of More Responsibility
“My ex and I recently broke up because I felt like I was making all the decisions and shouldering all the responsibility in the relationship. He knew that, since last summer.
It so happens that my birthday, Christmas and our first anniversary were within a few weeks. I got him a big, fairly expensive present that I spent a ton of time and effort on and a smaller sweet present ("book of memories" kinda thing).
His idea was to tell me way beforehand that he was taking me to eat for my birthday (fine, that's awesome) at a place of my choosing and that I would call the shots the whole day.
It was the least thoughtful present he could have given me. He made me choose my own present after all the time we had talked about me feeling like he put no effort in. He didn't even TRY to surprise me; it would have been awesome if he even said "I'm taking you here," but he spent absolutely the least amount of time on it that he could have.”
This Redditer is describing something all too familiar to many women: a “thoughtful gift” that ends up just being more emotional labor or responsibility. Guys, if you want to give a gift, then come up with a gift and give it; don’t ask your partner to plan herself a nice day.
Appliances
“My ex got me a vacuum… Not to mention, [he] knew I wanted to buy my own vacuum because I literally talked about it all the time. It wasn’t even one that I wanted. I would have been pissed regardless. But man I get irked when I use it. Obviously I took it with me when I left him not even a month after that.”
Appliances fall under the category of “gifts of more responsibility.” Unless she has actually asked you for a particular appliance, we’d say gifting one (especially if it is the only gift you’re giving her) is a risky move. It says, “Here’s a thing you can do more housework with. Enjoy.”
Gifts from Your Ex
“[My ex got me] a digital picture frame… that was loaded with pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend (that he neglected to take off before gifting it to me).”
There’s not really a whole lot we need to say about this one, is there?
A Bouquet of Vegetables
“[My husband got me] a bunch of celery as Coles had no flowers left as a last minute gift.”
We know this is not the norm. But in case this resonates: Gentlemen, if the grocery store is out of flowers, might we suggest going to a different store rather than buying some celery?
Other People’s Jewelry
“[He got me] a bracelet that he told me he got from a thrift store. It had an old, thick worn guitar hanging from it… with a bejeweled “K” on it...and my name doesn't even start with a 'K'... nothing in my life can be associated with a “K.” So yea that was weird.”
Thrifted items can make wonderful gifts. But if you’re going to re-gift jewelry or buy something second-hand, make sure it doesn’t have someone else’s initials or name on it.
Things She Actively Dislikes
“Despite my hatred of roses, my ex insisted on giving me roses for Every. Single. Event. My birthday, graduation, Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc. I always thanked him and tried to kindly remind him that I hate roses, but the more he gave them to me the more pissed off I got. I even threatened to start lighting them on fire and he STILL gave them to me. To me it just said he couldn't listen to me.”
Tell us you’re not paying attention without telling us you’re not paying attention.
Passive Aggressive Gifts
“[He got me] lube. We didn’t have sex.”
On Reddit, we saw tons of other examples like this: workout gear for someone who doesn’t work out; pants three sizes too small; self help books for things they think you need to work on…
These sorts of gifts might seem like you’re trying to help, but to the recipient, they may feel passive aggressive. Bottom line: If there’s something you want more of or think your partner needs to work on, talk about it with them. Don’t just give them a “gift” to hint at something.
Literal Garbage
“Ten year wedding anniversary, [I got] a Coke can. Empty.
It was supposed to symbolise the big bottles of Mexican Coke we used to share when I was a student in Texas. I thanked him and put it in a place of honour in my workshop, and would stare at it while working out my exit strategy. It’s not like the can broke our marriage, I just couldn’t believe the breathtaking lack of effort/symbolism of giving me an empty can of soda.”
Notice how this relationship didn’t last.
Gifts that Say, “I have no idea who you are.”
“Earrings. I do not have my ears pierced.”
Again, tell us you’re not paying attention without telling us you’re not paying attention.
Gifts That Say, “I forgot.”
“He clearly forgot because he came home with things he got from the petrol station up the street from our house.
A lighter, a bar of chocolate (his favourite and one I don’t like), and a baseball cap. All in a plastic bag with the receipt in the bag. When I asked him what he was making me for dinner he looked like a deer in headlights and said “I was going to go to the pub with (neighbour) tonight for a counter meal.
We were separated less than a month later.”
We can’t imagine how she let this one get away. (But seriously, didn’t even remove the receipt from the plastic bag?)
Gifts That Are Actually For You
“He bought a TV for himself with the money that he owed me. Said it was a gift for us.”Taking the opportunity to go ahead and buy yourself a nice little gift, and dress it up as a gift for the woman in your life is not a good look. And speaking of gifts for yourself…
Sexual Acts
Reddit had so many stories of this instance occurring we couldn’t select one that truly encapsulates how inappropriate this is. Presenting your partner with a sexual proposition or “favor” is not the selfless gift you’re going for (no matter what gender or sexual orientation you identity with). In fact, this is something that should not be considered a gift at all.
The Bottom Line
Gift-giving is not everyone’s forte, but we hope that you can make a little more effort for the women in your lives than handing over an empty recyclable and calling it a day. If you struggle to think of gifts, try making notes throughout the year whenever she mentions something that she loves, so next year, you won’t be in the same predicament.
If it’s too late for that already, you might opt for planning something special for her (don’t have her plan it), buying her an item that makes her feel special (and not like a housemaid). Remember, you don’t need to spend a lot of money to make your loved ones feel heard, seen and appreciated. All you need is a little effort.
A note on sex and gender: Sex and gender exists on spectrums, and this article uses terms like “male” or “female” to refer to sex assigned at birth. Learn more.
