Have you ever been in a sexual relationship with somebody—be it a partnership, situationship, or just a consensual “U up” dalliance—and it just doesn’t seem like you two are in sync?
They may want to give you soft, sensual kisses when you want to be handcuffed or play with toys. Maybe they want to stare soulfully into your eyes, while you’d be happy to rip each other’s clothes off.
Whatever the case, it feels like there is a mismatch in how you get turned on. And this may mean that you two have different Erotic Blueprint types.
What in the Goop is an Erotic Blueprint?
“Erotic Blueprint” is a term originally coined by somatic sexologist and educator, Jaiya (one word, like Madonna) and was recently made popular on the Netflix show, “Sex, Love, and Goop.”
There are five different Erotic Blueprint types—energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shapeshifter—and each describes a specific way of being turned on.
You can think of this like love or apology languages—only instead of describing how you best receive love or perceive apologies, it describes how you get turned on. As Jaiya put it in an interview with Goop, “[It is] a map to your own wiring and your own turn-on. People speak different erotic languages, and we can learn to speak any of them.”
Where Did ‘Erotic Blueprint’ Come From?
Long before Jaiya appeared on “Sex, Love, and Goop” with her now-famous Erotic Blueprint Quiz, she was working as a somatic sexologist with couples. This means she’d research her clients’ sexual behaviors and feelings to help them resolve their sexual conflicts in a somatic, embodied way. Something she observed continuously was that certain people were turned on by certain things, and others were turned on by other things. Over time she noticed a pattern and was able to distill these common turn ons into the five Erotic Blueprints we see today.
Next we’ll go over each type in detail, including their downsides (called “shadows”). Because we can’t just have nice things, can we?
The Five Erotic Blueprint Types
Sensual
Imagine you walk into a room. The lights are dim, candles cast a golden glow on the walls. Music is playing. Rose petals dust the bed, and there is an array of sensory delights on a table: hot wax, ice cubes, delicious chocolate, massage oils…
If this sounds sexy to you, it might indicate that you are a “sensual type.” Sensual types are turned on (you guessed it) by sensation. Not just genital-focused sensation, but a variety of touches, tastes, smells, etc.
The downside is that the sensual type can get stuck in their head and may need everything—from their own body to the lighting in the room—to be perfect.
Energetic
Anticipation, space, longing, teasing, yearning—
They’re only just about to kiss you, and already, it’s like you can feel it all before it even happens.
Does this sound familiar? If so, you may have found your sexual blueprint. “Energetic types” are very sensitive and it typically doesn’t take much to turn them on. These types are into the anticipation and the “energy exchange” before touch even begins.
Unfortunately, this type can get easily overwhelmed with too much sensation, and shut down.
Kinky
A lot of people think being kinky has to involve handcuffs, ropes, or whips, but really, kink is just enjoying something sexually that is outside of the mainstream. Here, the “kinky type” is turned on by the taboo. This may mean more sensation-based turn-ons (like handcuffs, ropes, or whips), but it may be more psychological. Like being turned on by power dynamics, for example.
The “shadow” of this type is shame. If these types are turned on by what’s taboo, they may also have feelings of shame or thoughts of “I shouldn’t,” which may distract them from enjoying the moment.
Sexual
Picture two attractive people having sex.
Did that turn you on? Perhaps you’re a “sexual type.”
Sexual types are turned on by what we typically think of as sex in our culture—nudity, genitals, orgasm, penetration. They don’t need a whole lot of psychological or sensational bells and whistles, and can tend to go from a non-sexual state of mind to a sexual one pretty easily.
The drawbacks of being a sexual type are that they may get too goal-oriented (orgasm being the goal) and have a narrow view of what is sexual.
Shapeshifter
As you might have guessed, the “shapeshifter type” is somebody who enjoys the full buffet: sensual, energetic, kinky, and sexual. These types are turned on in a variety of ways and can easily match their partner, if their partner has a strong preference.
Shapeshifters may struggle with wanting more when it comes to sex, and may not feel fully expressed if they’re with a partner who likes to stay in a particular lane.
How Do I Know What My Type Is?
For some of us, simply reading this list was enough to elicit an, “Oh, that one’s me.” For others who aren’t sure, there are additional ways to find out.
First, you can take Jaiya’s original Erotic Blueprint quiz online. Full disclosure, it does cost $17, but it gives you a 28-page report detailing your personal blueprint.
Alternatively, you can explore each blueprint type and see how it feels in your body. This may start out as closing your eyes and mentally trying on the various Blueprint types; imagining different scenarios and experiences.
If you have a sexual partner, it may be helpful (and fun!) to explore aspects of these five sexual blueprints together. See what feels like a solid “yes,” a “meh,” or a solid “no” in your body. The “yeses” will guide you to your Blueprint type, and the “nos” may be an indication of a boundary.
There is also a directory of trained Erotic Blueprint coaches if you want somebody to help guide you in discovering your type.
What if My Partner and I Have Different Erotic Blueprints?
The first step is discovering each of your types—in whatever fun way to choose to do so.
Then you’ll have a better ability to communicate what turns you on without feeling ashamed. After all, if it’s a whole Netflix-recognized type, there must be a lot of people who like the same things as you, right?
You’ll also then have a better understanding of what turns your partner on.
Just like when two people have different Love Languages, the key to success here is learning to compromise*, clearly stating what you need (including any boundaries), and learning to give your partner what they need. This means, unless you’re with a shapeshifter or your own Blueprint type, you can’t necessarily expect what turns you on to work for them.
Knowing your Erotic Blueprint may help you get clearer on what turns you on, so next time your partner, date, or that one late night friend texts, “U up?”, you’ll know how to best communicate what you want, ultimately resulting in more pleasure for you.
*Learning to compromise is cool and all, but if it crosses your boundaries or makes you feel unsafe, it is a NO.
